Chesney Hawkes is my hero

Hey everyone!!

Chesney Hawkes is my hero. Let's dedicate this blog to him. For serious.

I'm blogging twice in one month...prize for me?! Notice, blogging really only happens on weekdays when I'm not at work. (Today I am going on an interview and have taken the day off...I am secretly determined to not work another full week for the rest of the year. Let's see how this goes.)

Where have we left off.

After getting back from The Lake District, we quickly scampered off to Wales to hike Snowdon (the highest "mountain" in Wales. This time, we were smarter and fancier. I rented us a beautiful house in the country, and we had a grand old time. Lots of hiking. Lots of castles. Lots of reasons to love the UK. For the second weekend in a row, we were lucky enough to be spared rainy weather. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that no one I have EVER met has hiked TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW in the UK with not even a drop of rain. I will say, it was freeeeezing and wiiiiiindy, but rainless. We didn't stay up at the top because it was brutally cold, but the hike was gorgeous. In fact, I may be returning sooner rather than later. My friend Lorna is organizing a charity hike of the three peaks. (It's a 24 hour hiking extravaganza that goes up all three of the highest peaks in the UK--Scafell in England, Snowdon in Wales, and Ben Nevis in Scotland.) I'm not sure if I'm going to do it yet because I've already taken so much time off of work for various things (to be mentioned shortly) that I just don't know if I can do it again. In any case, the weather has been stellar, and I'm riding high on loving England at the moment.

Work has been work, but I resigned a couple weeks ago (not leaving, of course, until the end of the school year in July), and have been applying for loads of jobs in all sectors. Outside of teaching, no one has shortlisted me. It is more than a bit depressing. I am not a one trick pony. I have lots of transferable skills. And let's not forget I'm awesome. Can I write that in a cover letter? "Hire me because you need someone awesome to join your team." I came dangerously close to writing that in a cover letter to The Scouts. I did not get shortlisted. Perhaps I should take a hint. In any case, I'm going on an interview today at a school for children with various disabilities, to work as a transition to high school teacher. I have substitute taught at the school in the past, and I quite like the environment. It would be completely opposite to what I'm doing right now, but I need that. The reality is, I'm going to have to get a job for September, and then keep looking for things outside of the teaching sector until someone gives me a chance. I have a friend a bit older than I who works in recruitment and is going to pass my CV on to the education sector of her work. Perhaps nepotism is the way forward.

So, back to why I have missed so much time off work. I went on an interview at a school that I wasn't interested in. They didn't want me anyway. Another blow to the ego. Then, this past weekend my hockey team went away on tour to Delft, Holland. I think it was the highlight of my year. Despite all of the amazing things I've done and places I've seen, I think this was the highlight. It was four days of sun, hockey, and dancing...a winning combination. We played hockey all day, and then danced all night. We camped out with all the other teams (there must have been 400 of us in total) and generally had a ridiculous time. Called my mom on the last day...and let her speak to half of an Irish boys team. They thought she was hilarious. I think the feeling was mutual. I can't wait to go back, and it's still another year away.

So, all in all, life has been pretty uneventful these past couple of weeks. But I'm feeling very thankful for that. No news is good news, right? I'm going to keep plugging away at the tedious job applications, and hopefully something will work out for me.

Love you all, and please please please come visit me soon! (I actually have a couple of Birthright friends here right now, and it's so nice to have familiar faces around!)

Love, Hammer

I'M SORRY (but I love you)

Hey everyone,

I don't know how to start this blog. I'm sorry that I'm not a better friend/daughter/sister/granddaughter/cousin who writes more often and calls to say I love you.

My grandpa died on Tuesday, and if he WERE around, he would read this blog and know what's up in his granddaughter's life. But, I don't call enough or say I love you enough or write more often or live close enough to visit (or even close enough to go home for a funeral...) or send silly fridge magnets. And so, to everyone who is reading this, I love you. Seriously. I know it's been too long, and I am jerkstore. (And why am I the one in the family who got the seriously oversensitive gene?)

How do I go on from such introductions? Well...here goes. From March to May, a recap.

Our end of hockey social was at the end of March, and we had a great time. (I'm feeling highly uninspired to write happy things right now, but I'm really trying my best here. Excuse the lack of "brilliant" and "lovely" and "swell.") This is a photo of Carmine and I. Somehow I acquired a Dickie-Bow. (You can dress me up, but clearly, I cannot be taken out.)

April was a month of vacation. It wasn't planned that way...but it happened anyway. School let out for Easter break (what should have been two weeks) on the 6th of April. I went with Jason (who, contrary to popular belief based on frequency of couply photographs, is not, and will never be, my boyfriend) and some other friends to Newcastle, Glasgow, and Edinburgh.
What nutter goes on a hike in fake suede boots. (It was an accident, I swear!) This is what is left of Hadrian's Wall. We actually had to ask for directions to it even though we were right in front of it...funny story.Photo of the beach on the English/Scottish border

Look kids, it's a Border Abbey. Another one! (This one is in England, I think!)
Oh my goodness. Most delicious heart attack--Deep Fried Mars Bar. Edinburgh, Scotland

The trip itself was awesome, but I was reminded that my friends here are boring. Well, let me rephrase, my non-hockey, non boy-friends, are boring. I mean, Lisa and her husband are boring. They wanted to go to bed early and wake up early to see lots of castles and abbeys and well, that's just not really my thing I guess.

I love history as much as the best of them, but I'm not going to forfeit a good night out seeing a gig so that I can wake up at the crack of dawn to see the inside of a cathedral. I'm just not going to do that. And I hope that getting old doesn't mean I forget how to have fun. (I hope getting married doesn't mean I forget how to have fun!)

I do not have Peter Pan syndrome. I DO want to grow up. I DO want to get married and have babies and a house and all that good stuff. I just don't want to become LAME. I want to get married and have babies and then I want to hire a babysitter to watch them while I go and see a gig with my husband and our friends. Because, of course, I don't want to be part of those lame couples that get married and then stop hanging out. You all know the kind of couples I'm talking about. I want to take my kids hiking in those cute little baby-backpacks until they are big enough to totter along next to me in their hiking shorts and little hiking boots. Shirtless. Yes, I imagine my hippie children, both girls and boys, to be tottering shirtless. And yes, in case you are wondering, I've already named them in Sarah Hammer fantasy land. Come on girls, who hasn't fantasy named their fantasy children. (But seriously, what I'm trying to say is, growing up does not mean growing boring. So can we please not get boring when we grow up? Thanks. I'm done now.)

After Scotland, Jason and I went to Spain to hike one week of the Camino de Santiago. IT WAS SPECTACULAR. It was also the hardest thing I've ever done. We hiked about 20 miles every day. We woke up at the crack of dawn, actually, most days before the crack of dawn, and started hiking. And then we hiked all day. For 210 kilometers. It was a great test of will. And it has been confirmed, I've got will. I've got a lot of will. On day three, I thought I couldn't take one more step. And then, I took four more days worth of steps. (Mind you, on the most disgusting blisters you can possibly imagine. Let's put it this way, a man we met on the way gave me a syringe so that I could suck out all the stuff inside my blisters, and then inject them with benodine. I almost passed out from pain. I've never almost passed out from anything. It was unpleasant.) But the moral of the story is, I have learned strength of character. (Now, I need to work on patience. I know I'm not patient with other people even though I expect them to be patient with me. And that's just not fair. Sarcastically written but not sarcastically meant. Trying to write not using full sentences. Ever.)
We saw pretty things. (Day 2)

We woke up before the sun, and before the fog settled too!
We had big bags (here we are at 100 kilometers to go.) More than half way there!
We enjoyed graffiti

We made it to the cathedral and walked through the holy door that is open only on holy years. Apparently, we are pardoned for life...
We made friends. (This is Cassandra, Seb, Jason, and I at the holy door.)

After Spain we were meant to fly out of Porto, Portugal, after spending just one day there, but, the volcano kept us there for another six days. I missed a week of work. I'm still trying to find out if I'm going to get paid. Let's all hold our breaths for me. I NEED to get paid for that week. Porto was great fun.
Here is what it looks like from high up in a tower.
Here is what the beach looks like with an awesome girl jumping even though her legs were SO tired.
And HERE is what you are supposed to do on vacation. (Apparently, you are not supposed to hike. You are supposed to eat ice cream. A lot of ice cream. Specifically passion fruit flavoured ice cream. Holy Cow it's good!)

Because we ended up staying for so long, Jason and I couch surfed. I was reminded of the kindness of near strangers. Story time: Last year I went on a few dates with a guy called Dave. I met his flatmate and his flatmate's girlfriend. Things with Dave didn't go anywhere (I'm a heartbreaker, dreammaker, lovetaker don't you mess around with me!). Anyway, when we were stranded in Porto, I posted on Facebook that I was stranded. Dave's flatmate's girlfriend got in touch because she used to live in Porto, and hooked us up with a couch-surfing friend of hers. Now, we would have gotten a couch to stay on anyway, because we are part of the couch-surfing community, but, it was infinitely easier to stay with a friend of a friend. It was so kind of her to help us out, and we met people all week in Porto who went out of their way to help us out. We met numerous people who offered to host us if we had to stay longer. We were invited out for dinner with locals, went to a great university jazz night, and toured the city with our host as well. I've now got a special place for Porto in my heart. Sometimes we all need reminders that the world DOES contain people who want to go out of their way to help you out, for nothing in return.

I finally got back to work this past week, and was shocked to find that the majority of my students were actually HAPPY to have me back. They behaved REASONABLY, for once. Perhaps they needed to miss me before they could appreciate me. (One of my classes can still bring me to tears, but hey, one out of six isn't so bad. Especially not at this point.)

A brief word on work. I am still planning on leaving my school after this year. I will be handing my resignation in by the end of May. I am, however, going to stay in London for one more year. The decision had to be made at some point. I've made it. I have one more year left on my visa and I should use it. I probably will never have the opportunity to live in Europe ever again. (Once you are 30 it becomes infinitely more difficult to secure a visa.) I have had a horrible year here in terms of crappy things happening on the home-front, and I still feel like I'm coming out on top. I miss family and friends ALL the time, but as Shannon and my parents in particular have said, you all are still going to be there in one more year's time. I hate my job, so instead of moving back to the states, I will just switch jobs. I haven't decided yet if I'm still going to teach here, but because the school year doesn't end until mid-July, I still have time to decide. In the meantime, if anyone has any thoughts on what I can do here that isn't teaching, let me know. I have no clue what I'd be good at besides teaching (that someone will actually hire me to do)!!!

After a week of work, it was time for vacation again. (Sick, isn't it?) It was May day, so we had today off as a national holiday. I went up to the Lake district with Juliet, Jason, and our friend Dave. We camped. (It was freezing.)
We hiked up the highest mountain in England. (It was freeeeeeezing.) We made s'mores. I laughed a lot. It was much needed. Next weekend I'm hiking up Snowdon (the highest mountain in Wales). It's been a nature month. And I'm loving it. I'm so much happier outside. EVEN if it's cold and I can't feel my fingers and my feet are all blistery and my lips are bleeding. I've traded crushes on boys (worthless) to crushes on my rain pants (totally rewarding)! I want to wear them all the time. I want it to rain tomorrow so I can wear them to work. I've been biking to work, by the way...and I'm having a contest with myself about how much transport money I can save each week. This past week I spent 2 pounds instead of 28.50.

In terms of summer plans, I AM for SURE going to India. I'm going with Lukasz. (Awesome Australian who decided that instead of dating me he would move back to Australia. Just kidding, he decided that he was moving before he met me. I did not scare him away. I don't think. But I do have that tendency I'm beginning to notice.) I'm going for the whole summer break--July 24th until August 23rd. Well, I haven't bought my tickets yet, but that's the plan. Starting out in Mumbai and ending in Delhi. If anyone has any suggestions, pleeeeeaaassseeee get onto me about them. I would love to hear them. Also, if anyone wants to join us for part of the trip, that would be totally great. (Chris, want to meet up for a couple of weeks? Lorna, it would be awesome to see what happens to Scottish skin in India!)

We are coming to the end of the blog now, and I just want to repeat what I mentioned earlier--I love you all, and I would love to hear from you all more, just as I will try to write more often. (I think everyone in the world got a postcard from Portugal though. I had a LOT of time on my hands...)

Miss you, now more than ever. Gosh, am I really that much of a sap?

:) Hammer

PS: If you want to sponsor me for a race I'm running, you can click here.

Translation to "Death of the Bloggity"

Hey All,

A translation has been requested for my earlier blog...and I'm in such a mood to grant that request:

December:
I got a new job but it really sucks. I am no longer teaching crazies that beat up their parents, but I am now teaching the most lethargic, anti-school kids in all of London. If you doubt my honesty, look up "east london schools" on google and you will probably get the just of what I am dealing with. I work in an ACADEMY in DALSTON. Because this is a translation I will tell you that "Academy" = "School that has been broken up into smaller schools because it is failing due to it's poor location and administration that doesn't give a damn" and "Dalston" = "east london neighborhood that has more gangs than pubs and grocery stores put together."

In December i also went home for Christmas and saw my family and my sister's new baby Rosaly (amazing), went cross-country skiing (toootally new to me and my future retirement activity of choice), saw the Bouncing Souls with Johnny and some timeless Connecticut friends (yes!), hung out with the kids I met in Israel (interesting), had my ex-boyfriend Andrew fly across the country to come hang out for new years (no big deal, really. Andrew reads this blog...can I post that sarcasm? :)), and saw my brilliant New York friends (who reminded me that home is probably not London).

January:
It was a month of disappointing others and being constantly disappointed. Not one of my finer months, to be honest. I was reminded once again that my new job is hell. I broke up with the perfect man because I "just wasn't that into him" even though he wanted to be "the one" (or something like that), was bummed because I went out on a limb and told a boy who I THOUGHT was into me how I felt about him, and it turns out, despite his actions, he just wanted to be friends (Names have been not used to protect the "innocent." ;) ), it snowed a lot, I tried to go to Dublin and couldn't get past new security laws with my passport which equaled more disappointment for me, went ice skating in one of the prettiest places in London and remembered this city, and my friends, are awesome.

February:
It was my annual "what am I doing with my life" month. I decided for sure I wanted to go back to New York/The United States and started looking for jobs, debated this a lot, and I'm still not sure what I'm doing, was given good reasons from many amazing people in my life on both shores of the argument, hung out in South London more than usual (because it is rugby season and the Irish friends I have left in this country live in South London). Spending time in South London mean I inevitably ran into the boy I used to date, Eamonn, and I was able to successfully hang out with him and maintain some semblance of friendship. It was a positive turn in our somewhat tumultuous relationship. I went to Egypt with Sarah Caufield during February break and we had an absolutely rocking time seeing all the old stuff and meeting fun new people, came back to London and was hit in the face with the job I still hate, and took solace in the fact that the people I work with are solid gold.

March:
So far, so interesting. I ran into Eamonn again at the beginning of the month and the results this time were different. I let his charm get to me, and had a moment of weakness for him once again. Let us all, at this time, remind ourselves he's not right for me, my house threw a party with the theme "What did you want to be when you grew up" and it was one of the best house parties I've been to in my life, outside of Caufield's infamous halloween parties. I felt so socially anxious, but it turned out to be an absolute blast. I have been hanging out with a great guy, called Lukasz, from Australia, and he's going home next week. He's lived here for three years and he's ready to call it quits on London. I know the feeling. It's a real shame because he is pretty spectacular. We are going to India together after school gets out in July. This was decided last month before we got all googly-eyed towards each other, so no one worry, it's not an impulsive decision. I skipped school today and wrote this blog, among other things, and that pretty much catches this translation up.

Just hung out with some girls from the hockey team who reminded me that moving home to New York is a silly idea...go figure.

Love, Hammer

Death of the Bloggity

Hey everyone!

Surprised to see me? Well, I'm surprised to be writing. The new job is crazy and I literally haven't had a chance to write since I started. I spend approximately 12-13 hours working everyday...and hell, I'm a teacher. That's criminal. However, I'm bunking-off (cutting/skipping/playing hooky/pulling a sick-y) today, so I've got time to play catch-up on my life...and blog. So much has occured over the past few months, that I'm just going to make a brief list.

Here are some keywords, ponderings, and photos to describe my last 100 days:

December...
New job
The Petchey Academy=Hope
Home is where the heart is.
Home is where you hang your hat?
"Home is where you hang yourself?"
What if my heart is in bits around the world...what do I do then?
Rosie-pants
Happiness
Winding Trails. I. Heart. New. England.
Christmas at the Hammers = :)
"When we get old, do our hearts die?"
Excitement
Soy Amada. (Ich bin geliebt.)
Jews Unite
Andrew
Brooklyn

January...
The first heart I've broken
The Petchey Academy = Hell
Disappointment
Aversion to work does not = laziness
Home is the United States?
So much disappointment
snow
cold
lonely
Somerset skating
Failed Dublin attempt
"Feeling Gloomy" = Feeling Better
ozzy ozzy ozzy oi oi oi! (Aussie day, but we are Americana at its finest.)
willing myself to cheerfulness


February
The India idea is born
South London Revisited
Jason Bronstein = Sengal in May?
Eamonn Og = Vindication
proud/confident/independent
Ireland Rugby
Applications to New York
Am I really moving HOME?
Home??
Egypt
Pyramids
Sarah Carpenter Caufield

travel=happiness
Hieroglyphics
Cover up for safety
Sleeper Car
Shisha
awesome coworkers, shitty job
I.Will.Not.Quit.


March...
mistakes.oh yea.mistakes.
Ireland Rugby
Eamonn Og = "Whoops I did it again."
"Dancing the night away"
couch cuddles
Euphoria
Manchester United Wins
What did you want to be when you grew up?
HOUSE PARTY
"If you can make it there, then you can make it anywhere."
Is that song about London?
Lukasz
India. July 23nd or Bust.
First Kiss fireworks
"Are you allergic to me?" ;)
The Petchey Academy still = Hell
Bunking-off

If you made it through, you win a prize. Seriously, my respect doesn't come easy these days. Leave a comment.

I love you.
Hammer

On quitting

Hey everyone!!

I'll try and keep this brief (because it is 8:45 am and I have a hockey game in a bit...) I am playing with the Ladies 4's now...the team above the one I used to play for...and it's a permanent move. I'm flattered, of course, but certainly sad to be leaving friends on the other team. (Tonight we are going to a comedy night, so crazy pictures will follow!)

Where did I leave off...Sami came to London last weekend, and we had a short-lived, but awesome time. My friend Carmine and I threw a Pub Crawl in our neighborhood because no one every really comes up here to hang out with us. (I'll admit...where I live is SLIGHTLY off the beaten path.)

We decided to make it a crazy hat event. So...we wore crazy hats from pub to pub. Naturally, I was the only one (besides Matt who is always up for anything) that really got into it, so most of the hats are mine. Clearly, I presumed other people would lame out, so I preempted the possibility that I might be the only one in fancy dress, and I brought out extra hats to force people into wearing them :) I'm such a good friend, eh?

Sami and Jason came to watch our hockey game (in the pooooouring rain), and we WON!!! Our first win since I've lived in this country! I know sports aren't about winning (but DAMN it felt good)! WOOOHOOOOO. (Okay, it STILL feels good, one week later.) And I had the assist! I was feeling greedy for a goal, but I'll certainly take an assist on a win.

This is a photo of us, soaking wet, post win. I'm going to treasure this photo forever...since I don't plan on winning again any time soon. ;)

Things kind of went downhill after Sami's visit. I had been talking to him and others about how I wasn't feeling fulfilled in my job. The students are SO difficult, and I just felt like, I've spent five years teaching/crowd controlling kids that don't want to learn...when do I get to actually better my teaching practice by actually TEACHING? In addition, I don't have qualified teacher status in England the way I do in the US, and without that, it is very difficult to get a job in a decent school. I have been thinking that I should start looking for schools that will let me do my teaching practice and get my Qualified Teacher Status (QTS) which will allow me to stay in this country (should I choose to do so) and not limit my options in my career. Furthermore, I have been having very serious problems with The PPP, and how they overwork their staff by taking advantage of workers and not adhering to the contract. We all know that one thing I don't lack is the ability to be vocal, and on numerous occasions, I (and others) have brought up these contractual discrepancies, and nothing has ever been done. People constantly say they will talk to their superiors, but nothing ever happens. Long story short, through lots of tears and lack of sleep, I resigned from my job on Monday.

I don't have another job to take it's place, but the term ends at Christmas, and I planned to stay on until Christmas while I looked for a new job for the next term. It is common for teachers to leave at the end of term, so there are a fair amount of positions available. In any case, on Wednesday I was told that I cannot stay on until the end of term, but that my last day will be Monday, November 30th. I was absolutely shocked. It is highly unconventional to turn a teacher down that wants to stay until the end of term. They will not be able to find a teacher in time, and they will have to higher a substitute...when I was OFFERING to stay! This shock made it all the more clear to me that I made the right decision in resigning because my organization does not have the best interests of the students at hand. (I was in the middle of finishing final drafts of papers that they need in order to graduate with them, for goodness sakes!)

Now, my company prides itself on honesty, and non-oppressive practice. I decided that in order to follow in the ethos of the company, I should be honest with the company about the reasons why I was leaving. So, I wrote a formal resignation letter explaining my reasons (listed above) to the company. I decided to email the letter to everyone. I figured, everyone has the right to know why I've left, instead of speculating about the reasons after I'm gone. Apparently, people don't exactly DO this. (Kidding, kidding, I know people don't exactly do this...but I'm a bit fiery, and I like to protest when things are unfair. I should have been a suffragette...) The letter detailed how I feel that the ethos of the company is brilliant, which is why I accepted a job at The PPP, but I think the CEO is out of touch with what actually happens in his buildings, and the ethos is not actually being practiced. Decisions are made based on money, and not based on the best interests of the students. (Don't worry, believe it or not, I was very tactful...as tactful as you can be when you are writing a letter to an entire company, and a CEO, of a company of only 80 people, who has never bothered to meet you.)

Let's just say, I was shocked by the responses. People I hardly know sent me emails thanking me, applauding me for my courage, and telling me that they too have been raising similar issues and nothing is happening. One guy who I've spoken to only once, from a different building than mine (he works with ESL kids), came over to my building after work to kiss me (on the lips!, but don't worry, he's verrry into his boyfriend) and thank me for bringing the issues out into the open. The CEO of the company responded to the email and has called a meeting for people to address these issues (after I've left, of course). Basically, I wrote the letter for my own personal gratification, but it felt really good to see it responded to in such a positive way. (Not positive for everyone, of course. My boss is truly thrilled about it because he agrees with me, but HR are horrified because I raised some issues about things that could be taken to the press and shed a not-so-flattering light on our organization.)

Moral of the story...I'm still out of a job, come Monday. I am in touch with about five teaching agencies right now to get me work for January. My old agency is giving me substitute teaching work up until Christmas. I sent out two applications to schools on my own, schools that I am really interested in working at (socio-economically diverse, relaxed atmosphere where students don't wear uniforms, young progressive staff, but with a population of students known for wanting to learn). I never expected to get a call back from these schools because last year I sent out about 50 applications, and not one of them responded to me. The only jobs I was able to interview for were with an agency. Anyhow, one of the two schools called me for an interview this coming Monday. (And they BETTER have! I spent 5 hours filling out their application form and crafting the most amazing cover letter in the history of cover letters!) I know I have a 1% chance of getting this position, but I'm over the moon at being given the opportunity to even interview! Then, I have interviews with schools through agencies on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Let's just say, I panicked when I didn't have a job anymore, and contacted every agency I've ever heard of.

This has been lengthy, even after my attempts to make it short, but if you made it to the end, think happy thoughts for me on Monday!

Love you!!!

Sarah

PS: This is what my schedule looks like for Christmas break...who is going to be around??

December 20-25--Connecticut
December 26-27--New Jersey (Bouncing Souls wootwoot!)
December 28-31--New York (I'm TOTALLY going to Oxford Street today and splurging on a ridiculous dress for new years even though I have no real excuse to wear it...)

I have the best friends in the world

PHOTO
I ran a marathon. I ran it in 4 hours, 19 minutes, and 39 seconds. I am fast. I am amazing. I am a rockstar. (I am getting the photo cd for christmas because I was SO cold after the race that I have no good pictures of me even holding my medal. Now I guess I have to run another one!)

I could probably end this blog there, but I'm not going to :)

It's a bit hard for me to write this post because I have been on such an upswing with London lately. Since I came back in August, as you all know, things have been really good here. I'm happy, my friends are cool, I have a permanent job, and I'm settling nicely. BUT (isn't there always a but?) being back in the states was a reminder that, even when things in the states aren't quite perfect, it is still my home. It is where the people that I love the most in the world live. Home isn't where you hang your hat, apparently, it's where the love is :) No seriously, I know it's cheesy, but I feel surrounded by love in the states, and that is a feeling almost worth moving back for. Almost. Almost, but not yet. I guess what I'm trying to say is...London rocks...but I've been feeling huuuuge amounts of home-sickness, not for home itself, but for the people there. Marisa, I miss your futon ;)

Anyway, back to being back. I decided this week that I don't like my job. Yes, YES the kids are crazy (CRAZY!), but it's not that. I don't feel supported by my administration. The PPP, first and foremost, is a therapeutic organization. Academics come second. I am an academic. I don't feel like they really care about my job or the roadblocks to teaching in such a difficult environment. The admistration doesn't understand the difficulties presented to teachers in such an environment, and therefore, I don't feel like they are helping US to do what's best to help the young people. I'm feeling frustrated. And slightly taken advantage of. And kind of over it. In addition, and maybe more importantly, if I want to continue teaching in England (and let's be honest, I never have a clue what my future holds), I have to do my "Qualified Teacher" year in the next three years. I cannot do it at The PPP because it is a "special school." I may be limiting my options for the future if I continue to work there. I am sending out my CV to some agencies today...and we will see what happens. Having permanence in a position (and a fairly good wage) is not something that I'm willing to give up at the moment, so let's not all hold our breath for any action to be taken towards me getting a new job. Perhaps I'm just angry at the moment. Perhaps it will pass.

My weeks here have been TOO crazy since I've been back, which may be the reason that I feel constantly over tired. I play hockey on Mondays and Saturdays, I have a late work day on Wednesdays, and now I am taking a mentoring course on Thursdays after work. Tuesdays are my "I'm going to hangout with people midweek day." Luckily, it usually involves either a run or someone making me dinner (I never have time to cook anymore!), so I can kill two birds with one stone. Leigh (for those that are trying to follow who's who--American Dan's housemate, "The Beautiful Kiwi") has been promising me a home-cooked vegetarian meal since the day we met (He used to be a chef), and it finally came to fruition this past week. I feel very lucky to have the friends I have here already, but it is especially nice when they do things like make you amazing ravioli, FROM SCRATCH! (I wish I had the pictures to back this up...but they are all on his camera.)

Despite all of the "lack of time insanity," anyone who has ever met me knows I'm not willing to sacrifice fun for work. SO, much fun has been happening in London since I've been back. Last weekend it was Bonfire night so I went to, HANDS DOWN, the best fireworks I have ever seen in my life. I realized that the majority of fireworks nights in my life have been spent on a blanket in the summer but the fact that it was winter-coat cold did not stop them from being absolutely spectacular...SEE??

This weekend was "uniforms fancy dress" at the hockey club, and my team went as cheerleaders. I think we did an amazing job. (Yea, I designed those t-shirts!) Fancy dress night at the club is generally known as the most fun social of the year, and this year did not disappoint. We danced until the wee hours.

The next few weeks are going to FLY by, and pretty soon I'll be home for Christmas (and my, as yet unborn, niece)! Next weekend Sami (from Oasis in central park...we went to Portugal together...) is coming over from Ireland, so I've promised to keep him highly entertained. (What I mean is, he's going to come to our hockey game and watch us get our butts kicked by a team a million times better than us...) Then, Aly is coming from Arizona to be all smart and give lectures at the British Museum. I'm going to steal her away from Academia as much as I can while she's here. I'm coming back to the states on December 20th. I'm staying for New Years. I will be at my parents until Christmas, and then I will be in New Jersey for the Bouncing Souls until the 27th. After that, I'm looking for a New York host. Who wants me?

Love you all (and miss you times a million),

Sarah

Oh, PS:

#1 reason why London is better than NY: People actually WALK up the escalators in the Tube/Subway. It KILLS me to be back in NYC standing behind people who are too lazy to walk. It is excruciatingly slow. At least in London if you aren't going to walk, you courteously stand on the Right so people can pass you!

#1 reason why NY is better than London (besides the pizza): My NY postman opened my mail, and sometimes stole it, but at least he didn't try to kiss me or sing opera. REALLY loudly. Early in the morning. And wake me up. On my one morning to sleep in for the whole week. JERK.

Hello, Autumn

Hey everyone,

First of all, I'm SO sorry that I haven't written in a very long time. It seems that my weekends have been taken over by life, and I've lost the will and time to write. It's a shame and I'm going to try to be better. Basically, hockey is in full swing, which means that my Saturdays now run into my Saturday nights, and leave me no time for a little peace and reflection. On Sundays I have been running...and I mean...running for 2,3,4 hours at a time, and when I come back I am so drained that I just have to sit on the couch and stare at the wall, or take a nap. My brain cannot function at a high enough level to blog. (Luckily, the serious marathon training ended last week!)

Instead of trying to tell you about EVERYTHING that has been up in lovely London, I will just give you all a short summary of each section of my life--Work/Hockey/Life in General.

So Work. Yes, notice, work comes first on that list because it is taking over my life! Work is HARD. And, completely different from anything I have every experienced. I had my first crying episode at work the other day, but I took that to be a good thing, since all the other new staff cried before I did. (How harsh is that?) Basically, a day in the life of a PPP staff member includes having horrible things yelled at you, having something thrown at you (sometimes, not always), and not being listened to, a lot. I cried because class hadn't even started yet, and the students were playing pool. (Yes, we have a pool table. DON'T ask. It drives me up a WALL that they have so many "privileges" that my increasingly right wing mentality does not think that they deserve.) I asked one of the students to get off the pool table because it was not his turn to play. He flipped OUT on me and screamed a lot of really mean, loud things to me, for about 5 minutes. I in return replied, "All right, Abdi. We will talk about this later, when you have calmed down." I then walked into the office and burst out into tears. They were not tears of hurt, but tears of anger. I was SO angry that I was shaking. Basically, I wanted to yell back at him (or hit him) so badly, and I didn't. The anger had to be relieved somehow, so I cried. It's just that, you can't reason with someone who has reached the level of anger (for no reason) that Abdi had, so there was no point in trying to talk with him at that moment. But that doesn't make ME feel any better for being treated in such a poor manner. And basically, that is a day in the life of a PPP staff member. Luckily, I have managed (so far) to not get that upset about a student again.

On the flipside, when I teach a good lesson, it is far more rewarding than teaching in a mainstream school. For example, I taught a brilliant poetry lesson (we are currently studying pre WWI British War Poetry, and afterward, a couple of my students came up and told me that they enjoyed the lesson. Now, these students do NOT enjoy school. They are with the organization I work for because they have never enjoyed school. Narcissistically, it feels SO good to have them appreciate a lesson, and then TELL me that they appreciate it. I can smile at little things like that for days on end (and it's a good thing I can do that, because stuff like that does NOT happen very often)!

So now for hockey. I've said it a million times and I will say it again--if it weren't for hockey, life here would be very dull. I stick to that. My weekends are filled with hockey, and I usually run with my friend Matty from the club at least once a week. (He's also vegetarian so he cooks for me afterwards. I'm so spoiled!) The hockey girls (and some of the guys) are suuuuuch fun people. Last week, for example, I played a hockey game (we tied...which is a big deal for us), went back to the club house and had teas (we get food cooked for us after games, how British is that!), hung out with a bunch of the other teams, and then went to Anna's, a girl on my team, and we watched X Factor (The original American Idol). It doesn't SEEM like the ultimate Saturday night, but words cannot describe how good it feels to finally be comfortable enough with people in this country to be able to say, "Nah. I don't want to have a crazy Saturday night out at a club. Lets stay in and eat takeaway pizza and watch crappy t.v."

A couple more things about hockey...I have somehow managed to take-on the Social Secretary position on our team. I'm the one in charge of planning fun stuff for us to do. How do I always end up volunteering for things? (I think I'm going to plan a night when we dress up 80's style and go to a roller disco. Take THAT for making me social secretary. :) )And THEN, my captain asked me to be assistant captain, so, I'm that too. Unfortunately, there is a large chance that I'm going to get pulled up to the team above mine pretty soon. It might not happen, but I've been practicing with them, and, though it's nice to have a challenge, I was just getting to know my team! :(

And now, for a commercial break: PLEASE come see me run the NY Marathon. It is November 1st. I will be in NY/CT from THIS WEDNESDAY October 28-November 2nd. It's going to be a whirlwind, and I can't stay up late or do anything too exciting because I'm going to be running 26.2 miles on November 1st, but please please please let me know if you're going to be around because I want to hang out!!!

Okay, lastly--I haven't blogged about life in general yet. I think you can tell from what I've written already that, despite work being a struggle, life in London is gajillions of times (yes, gajillions) better than it was last year. The positive outlook that I have forced myself to have this year has really been paying off, so far. I'm not forcing it anymore--my outlook is just positive!

I was worried and sad about spending my first birthday ever away from my friends/fam in the US, but, it turned out to be such a blast, and I was reminded that I DO know wonderful, fun people here that care about me and want to help me celebrate.

Here's a picture of us. It was a 1920's themed bar, so we dressed up. I loooove the culture of British dressing up!

I don't think I'll ever stop missing everyone at home (which is a good thing, right??) but, things here are really good right now, and I'm thankful for that.

Sorry this blog was so general, but it's been SUCH a long time since I've written, and I just wanted to get it out and done with...the next one will be better. Promise!

Looooove, Hammer

PS: TRAVEL!


1. I forgot to mention that I have this AWESOME (though married, which sometimes means "lame and goes to bed early") new friend from work, Lisa. Her, Jason and I are doing 9 days of the Santiago de Compostela pilgrimage walk in Spain over April break...anyone want to come?

2.The last weekend in May my team is going to Holland for a hockey tournament, and conveniently after that is my school holiday, so I'm thinking of traveling around Holland, Belgium, Denmark?, and Germany? I need a travel buddy. hint hint hint.

3. Finally, I have February break from Feb 13th to Feb 21st. I have no thoughts about where I want to go...though I was thinking maybe Egypt? Jordan? Syria? I'm not going by myself...who's coming with me?